An Open Letter to my Inner Child

Dear little Hannah,

I know the world is big, scary, and everything seems very unpredictable. There are people with carefully crafted masks and claws who seek to do you harm. They will convince you that you owe all of yourself to them- your time, your energy, your heart, and all of your empathy.

Although you may overwhelmingly feel the emotions of others, they are not your burden to carry and they are not yours to heal. It is not your job to predict or assume how someone is feeling, it is their job to communicate it to you.

I could tell you not to get married in your early twenties and to believe your intuition when you see the red flags and warning signs, but you’ve been hurt so much already by things out of your control. This has caused you not to trust yourself or your intuition and has made you seek to find your worth in others.

I can warn you, that he’s the devil disguised. He will hurt you in unimaginable ways - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and physically. He will prey on your naïveté and your desire to see the best in others. He will convince you that the truth is false and cause you to question your sanity, as he chips away one lie at a time. Don't be fooled by his attempts to lure you back in and shower you with love and praise with the same mouth he used to harm and insult you. Please know, that any "good" thing he ever does for you is in support of his self image and is ultimately for himself. He will take and he will take, and you will give and you will give some more until you no longer recognize yourself. Then he’ll discard and abandon you when you need help the most.

You’ll think this is the end and you’ll move forward viewing your empathy and kind heart as a weakness and a burden. This will make you hard and cold for a while, you'll shut people out before you ever let them in, in an attempt to heal and guard a scarred and unhealed heart.

Please know, this isn't the end, it is just the beginning. Through self introspection you’ll find self love and you’ll learn to trust yourself again. You'll transform from victim to victor and once this healing has begun you’ll find the one you were looking for the whole time. You'll finally feel safe.

In the meantime- love yourself hard. Listen to your inner voice and try your best to trust it. Continue to be kind and generous, but know when to stand your ground, say no, and when to stand firm in truth.

Your kindness and empathy might be mistaken for weakness and frailty. But my sweet girl, you are so much stronger and braver than you know. One day you will be so proud of the woman you’ve become.

Love,

You (just a little older)